Lets start a new adventure.

 This is only the second time I have had to face him crying as I left him. The first made sense, he was overtired and hadn't napped. This one was a different cry, this was a protest because he knew I was going to walk out the door and not be there. This one hurt me.

I do however have the benefit of seeing it from both sides, there is a skill to dropping your child off at nursery the first few times, you have to remain calm, confident, make it quick.

 If you linger too long, look nervous or get upset they pick up on it. Quick drop offs help everyone, parents don't linger and get upset as long, babies are easier to settle and nursery workers get more time bonding. 

Seeing the sadness hurts though, the cry is different, it hits heart strings you never knew you owned, and you hold back the tears till you're out of view. I cried all the way into town and then some more whilst I ate fried egg on toast. 

Deep down I know he's fine, I know he will settle and get distracted and I know he will get used to the new environment. It just sucks that it's a hard transition. 

Why is it so hard. 

There are multiple factors and it varies from person to person. 

• Maybe little one hasn't had the chance to be away from parents. This is often the case if family is not near or they are single parenting. 
• They may have not been to many social play groups. This was a big issue during Covid as they all closed, and when you do get chance to go, even though they are still with their parents, it gives them the early social skills they rely on as they get older. 
• They are just not used to that much noise and that many people. I tend to find those with older siblings do better that only children, they are used to having to share, loud noises, busy houses and having parents attention divided between several small humans. As an only child they don't really have any of that so then stepping into a room with a lot more children, noise, different toys and not being able to have one person all to yourself is a big change. 
• Most parents return to work time coincides with the separation distress phase. With statutory maternity only covering until they are around 9 months depending on when you start and the remaining 3 months of your newborns first year being unpaid most parents return around the 9 months mark, sometimes sooner, but from about 6 months your baby starts recognising they are their own person, this also means they don't really want to be away from you so handing them to someone they don't really know and leaving for a few hours is hard. 

The benefits of settles and how to make them easier. 

Settling in session are key to the start of your child's journey at nursery, they give your child chance to be in a space that is vastly different to what they are used to. Your child gets a key worker who will focus on their development and care for their needs, but they also have other children to take care of, and nursery nurses in baby rooms run on a ration of 1:3 so there are at least 3 children allocated to one nursery worker at any one time.

 Despite this nursery nurses work hard to make your child feel special and loved. Settles also give your child's key worker a chance to get to know your child, find what works for them and build a bond. All this goes a long way to your child having the best start in their early years education. 

Tips to make it flow. 

First of all, DO the settles, there are usually at least 3 and increase in length as they go along, they will include a meal and nap by the second or third, and the first one is a chance for parents to sit down with your child's key person and share important details, likes, dislikes, sleep pattern, feeding , milk etc. 

Second, share the details but be flexible. At home little man naps in a dark room by himself with a sound machine after being fed to sleep. I know at nursery there will be others in the room, it won't be as dark and people will be popping in and out to check them frequently. So I told nursery what we did but just told them to do what works best for them. 

Keep drop of calm, confident and quick. We have a little routine now, we have a cuddle share any key information, hand him over give him a kiss say goodbye and leave, and we will stick to this because he will learn the pre routine, he knows he's loved you know he's safe and no-one is lingering around looking worried, I usually find this upsets them more and makes it harder to settle them. 

Finally a few tips for you as parents

Make a plan to keep yourself distracted, I'm currently eating cake and drinking coffee surround by the sound of the coffee shop as I blog, and next time he goes I will be in the thick of working, keeping yourself busy stops you over thinking and worrying. 

Once you drop off take a few minutes and have a cup of tea or coffee. It's a little chance for you to decompress and compose yourself. 

And finally check in if you need to, as nursery nurses we are always happy to talk to you if you want to see how they are doing. Don't be afraid to call. 

Is there more that can be done? 

Possibly, statutory maternity isn't great and unless you have a bulk of savings and lots of holiday to use most parents have to return around the 9 month mark, even with the child benefit money there is never enough to cover everything that already needs to be paid as well as the additional you need for having a child, and unfortunately we are no longer living in a world where you can have a baby and then stop working and live on one wage, it takes two wages just to afford most houses! Personally i think statutory maternity should cover the full 12 months from the date of birth till their first birthday, it still wouldn't be a full amount but parents wouldn't have to return as early. 

More support for nurseries. Staff work hard at nursery settings to make settles as smooth as possible but with the cost of living, and nurseries being hit hard by increased costs it easier said that done, nurseries don't have surplus staff to fit in more settles or do more meet and greets before hand, if they did they would. Maybe one day we will see more funds going into settings, and less chaos from the funded hours, its great for parents but not always great for nurseries. 

I think that's it from me for a little, I'm going to go and wonder round the shops, kill some times then get some jobs done, I have to bleed a radiator today. 

Thanks for reading

Scribble back. 

Lots of love

Jessie