Becoming a butterfly- Welcome to motherhood

 Hey guys, Jess here, this post is a little different. Today I want to talk about a transition, the transition of becoming a butterfly. 

I am a little bit of a bug enthusiast, that's not to say I can identify lots of different bugs but they fascinate me and I am always curious to find out more, butterflies have always interested me (and moths) how they go from these small wriggling caterpillars and literally cocoon themselves where they essentially destroy themselves to turn into something new, its a fascinating process and what gets me the most is how they completely break down but still recall key information such as where to feed. 

The more I go through motherhood the more I associate it with the transformation of caterpillar to butterfly, you grow, break down and then are weirdly reborn, there is a shift into motherhood and you come out as a new person, sometimes its hard to let go of the old you and that can cause some issues with a loss of identity. 

I naively figured that post birth I would just be the same as I was before, but there have been changes, some down to hormones, and some I have had to instil myself, some of the biggest include having to rely on other people, this was the hardest challenge for me, I have always been the person that helps others pushes through and just gets on with it, but being faced with 6 days in hospital, times where movement was limited and the sheer overwhelming exhaustion has meant I have had to rely on others, something that has taken a bit of getting used to.

Another big change has been asking for help earlier, I have very rarely asked for help in my life if I didn't desperately need it, I would usually face everything as best I can and only when I was completely backed against a wall would I ask (and even then I sometimes wouldn't- I blame stubbornness), but the last few days I have had to ask for help with little things, and big things, its still taken a bit of coaxing but after many, many years of being the one to always push through it takes time to adjust. 

and the final change I have had to accept more than anything is I am not superwoman, I have pushed through so much in my life, navigating family deaths and staying 'strong', dealing with major mental health issues and navigating them alone, huge inspections on 2 hours sleep and a mass of anxiety, and each time i have just pushed through like I am superwoman, that's not to say I didn't suffer, but i just kind of, got on with it, very much in a sense of the only one who can get you through this is you, however following the transition into being a mum I am more aware that I am not superhuman, I am a complex house plant, I can't just push through i need help and support and to accept and let go of things, this is still going to take time to learn but I am making progress.

Becoming a parent isn't just having a baby, its all about learning about yourself, identifying your weaknesses and strengths, finding new ones, learning to accept each other within the family unit, learning new skills even if you think you know what your doing, and accepting change. 

now accepting change doesn't mean everything has to change completely and I am still a firm believer that life doesn't stop just because you have a family, you can still do the things you love, go on the adventures you want and take on your hobbies, you just have to adjust how you do it and accept for the first few weeks of your little ones life, those things probably won't happen just yet whilst you all settle into finding your rhythm. 

I am still searching for mine, still seeking advice and still making amazon purchases to navigate what works best for us, but we are progressing and that is something! 

Thanks for reading

Scribble back 

Jessie 

xxx